I pull the comforter tighter, avoiding the dawning sun's light attempting to peek through the blinds as he rises out of bed, and I fade back to sleep, glad that I have a few more hours till my turn to start the day begins. For as long as I can remember I've been a child of the moon. I fade in and out of sleep, but sometimes I catch his gentle whispers he says to me every morning. "Good morning, my angel. I'm going to work now, i'll see you when I get home. You're so beautiful, I love you." He'll kiss me goodbye and I'll hear him slip out the door. And then I peacefully fall back to sleep.
Sometimes I talk to him in my sleep and say funny things that he'll later tell me over dinner. But most days, my ears don't physically hear his goodbye - but my heart still does. My heart still hears the words my best friend and partner speak, so that the first things I always hear each new day are truths.
That I am loved.
The kinds of things I never knew I doubted, needed to hear or searched for in all the wrong places. And I'm not saying you should be in a relationship/marriage just so you can hear these things. But what I am saying is that I am so, so grateful to have someone believe in me so deeply, with every fiber of his being, that he finds such purpose in affirming and supporting me every stinkin' day.
It's commonly asked of couples how they met, or what they were first attracted to when they met or started dating. Karl and I met at an Ugly Sweater Christmas Party our freshman year of college. I was the rebel whose only sweaters were ugly cause I proudly participated in Sweater Wednesdays since High School (yeah that was a thing with my friends). So naturally, I showed up in my 'ugly sweater' that to this day remains my pride and joy. Seriously, it's a kickin' sweater! And he was the guy I had heard so many friends talk about, 'He's always so happy and positive!' 'You have to meet Karl.' 'He's always loves to run!' (he was on the cross country team). So when we finally met that December night I said, "Oh! YOU'RE Karl!"
And so began our friendship. We had a lot of the same friends so our paths often crossed, and it was always great to catch up. One time I asked him to teach me how to run. And once I desperately called him to borrow a bread pan, cause the one time I felt like baking something real in college I realized after the mix was stirred that I myself did not own a bread pan. True to his character, he was the friend who answered his phone and probably the only guy in college who actually had a bread pan. And in case you're curious, the banana bread turned out great.
But we were just friends.
The kind of friend who was easy, and fun to be around.
And I guess that's what built my love for him.
Because on our first date I had butterflies. But not the kind that fluttered cause they were nervous. No, the kind that flew. Cause for the first time they felt safe in the space and they could, finally, show the colors of their wings.
And that's the way it's always been with me and him.
As the day ends, and I pull the comforter tight, letting my eyes get heavy and call me to sleep. He reaches over and whispers, "Goodnight, my love."
So that the last things I always hear are whispered truths. That I am loved. Enough. Beautiful. Chosen. Cared for.