I see you.
I see you hopelessly scrolling through your social media feeds filled with so many beautiful and happy couples full of love, and you just want to roll your eyes cause you gave up on love. Love only works on certain kind of people, like people who can be hypnotized. You have to believe in it to let it work. And well, you just don't believe in it anymore. You used to, but it only led to a road of pain that you never want to experience again.
So you've built yourself a wall.
I know what you're thinking, 'This is weird, why is a wedding photographer talking about heartbreak. Aren't you supposed to be all about love?'
Well you know the lyrics 'Love is like a rose' or 'Every rose has it's thorn.' If you think about it, it's kind of ironic that roses go hand in hand with Valentine's Day. We adore the rose, envious of its full bloom and rich colors. Unaware though of the work it had to go through to simply become the beautiful rose. It had to wait under the dirt, until the time was right to push through. To break through the mess. It was painful, I'm sure. But it had to. It had to choose to put in the work of pushing through the dirt and embrace the air and sun that showered it, in order to bloom. To become a rose.
Kind of like love.
I'm not going to begin to act like I know what you might be going through, but I will say I too have been there. I've broken hearts and I've been broken. I've chased love, desperately wanted to be loved, and been chased away in the name of love. I've seen what I thought would be a future simply fade away. I've experienced the weight gain, weight loss, never leave the room, and denial. Nights of Netflix binges and used up kleenex boxes, and dreading the stupid, stupid holiday of love. Why did this happen if it was just going to end? I was bitter about love.
So I built a wall. To protect myself from it.
But I soon started to realize that this wall was not only keeping the bad out, it was keeping the bad in. And I realized I had a choice. I could keep the walls up and continue to sit under the dirt, or I could break through it and make some changes in my life. So I chose to break down some walls. I started to see the other side of my heartbreak cause if I ever wanted to see change in my love life, I had to be the one to make them. I started to work through some of the flaws in myself. Became more aware of what love was and what love was not. Began to learn my worth and value, and that I deserved real love - not something a lot like it. I worked through a lot of pain, and I had to face a lot of hard stuff. Restless nights were spent re-building myself. I probably should've asked for more help from a counselor or something, but I was stubborn. And eventually I pushed through the dirt. I wanted to be a rose, not for anyone else, just simply for me.
And then Karl came along.
And the thing of it is, I could've missed my chance with him. If I still had those walls up when he asked me on a date, I would have been closed off from all my bitterness of past hurt and completely distracted by fear, that I would've missed the chance to go out to dinner with a really great guy. I like to believe that Karl would have been persistent and patient with me, but maybe not. And I could've missed my chance,
Love is a choice, and sometimes the effort is required even before a relationship begins. A flower needs good soil, and only we can be responsible for the dirt we choose to plant ourselves in. If where you're at isn't working. Find new dirt. Lose the walls. Don't let fears paralyze you from receiving what you were made to have. Love.
And I mean love deeper than romance. Love is all around us within friends, family, strangers, and nature. But when we place ourselves behind walls, we shut out all of that love too - all because of heartbreak.
I think that's why I love love so much. And why as a wedding photographer I talk want to talk about heartbreak. Cause love truly is hard work, both to get it and to keep it. And sometimes it takes a hard path of pain to reach it. I sort of believe that every love story has a painful side to it, and that might be what kind of makes it so magical.
So, you. Don't lose hope, and don't give up on love. Give yourself grace as you take a few steps forward to find good dirt and rid the walls that are keeping you from the wondrous love you deserve.
PS. you are so so loved. Believe it, and don't ever forget it.