I turned 30 in June. For the last few years, I've written birthday blogs (26, 28, 29). Reflecting, celebrating, and welcoming the age past and the year to come. I had all intentions to go all out on my 30th blog post, but well here I am.
A few months in. It's wild to know I've been in the world for 30 years now. And that I've experienced 3 decades. I don't feel like I'm old enough for that to be true. I get it now when they say a part of you is always 21.
So much life happened in my twenties:
-bought my first car
-rented my first apartment
-traveled to 5 countries
-built some amazing friendships
-struggled with anxiety and depression
-started a photography business
-sooo many adventures
-read a lot of books!
-discovered new hobbies
-failed a lot
They were good. They were hard. And boy were they confusing years. The 20's are kind of like awkward middle school 2.0. No longer a child, but pretty unsure and insecure about the whole adult thing.
We are young and naive. We conform and please to fit into adulthood. And I think we too easily lose ourselves in the chaos of others’ expectations.
We don't just grow up and out of our youthfulness. We don't invite it along. I traded my silly for serious, striving to prove myself and my worth. I cast off my tenacity and confidence, seeking safety and comfort. I used to be fearless. Until I grew up and discovered all the things to be fearful of. But that's how it works. Right. We aren’t kids anymore.
“Oh, to be young again!” they say. While our bodies change. And our looks of youthfulness fade. Like there's no other way to age.
And then I imagine a knock from a younger version of who I used to be.
“Can I join you again?” it says. But it’s been so long it's free spirit feels almost unfamiliar. Full of unrealistic ambition and hopeful dreams. Is there space for the both of us within our refined grown-up self?
And to me, that's what my 30's are all about. Reconciling it all together and truly becoming me.
There's a lot we can gain living life with childlikeness. With the wonder, curiosity, and zest that used to fill our minds. To lean into it all, no matter our age. Falling back in love with life and the things that bring me joy.
And in this new decade. The compassionate child, confident teen, suspicious young adult are all invited along.
Thirty, I'm excited to be here. Ready to close the chapter of my twenties. Start back at zero. And move forward. Take charge of the new years ahead. Become more of who I am and leave a print in this life. Cause I'm so grateful I get to. My days here are unknown and unpromised. I want to make the most of it.
May they be filled with joy + laughter, growth + success, ambition + courage, deep + meaningful relationships, adventures, and a whole lotta love.
So grateful for this life
To have breath + laughter + heartbeats
A body that moves and heals
A soul that loves and lives
A mind that thinks and feels
Another year around the sun
A new decade has begun